I just threw up on my dentist
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
