i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
