Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
