Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
barbara walters just said penis...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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