end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
