The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
