my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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