I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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