My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
