So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
