you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
