Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
