I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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