I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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