he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
