He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
