6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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