u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
