come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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