I puked a lego.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
