THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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