I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
