i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
