She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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