remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
