ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
