who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
