her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
