I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
