it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
