They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
