Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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