he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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