I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't deserve a penis
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Randomize
