Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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