Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
