Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
do herpes really smell.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
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