Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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