My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
