Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
