Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
