my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
nutella sex= disaster
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
