A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
