SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
