I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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