I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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