all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
