Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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