dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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