areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
