He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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