I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
