so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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