Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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