I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
