I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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