I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
