Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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